so explain again why im purple
no
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
