I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I will pee on everything he values.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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