After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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