my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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