Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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