i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize