I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
