Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
