dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
