On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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