They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
