i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize