it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
