Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
