i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
