guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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