You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
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Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
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Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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