mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
