he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
