it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
