i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
