dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
