I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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