i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
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He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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