it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
