i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
