Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
