Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dignity is for republicans.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
