Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
