I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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