Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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