Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
