your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
