I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
