I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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