stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
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Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
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I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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