if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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