I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
