My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
