remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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