I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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