I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Life is so much better after having sex.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
