We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
