kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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