Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
