Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
