Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This house was built for laser tag.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
