I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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