So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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