I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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