can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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