I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
