I wish my penis had an off switch
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
