Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
