Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How external is "for external use only"?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is Oprah even human
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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