I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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