every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
