We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
