White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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